Politeness

By definition is the practical use of good manners or etiquette. Showing consideration for others, tact and observing acceptable social graces.

Hmmm.

So why are we losing this. Do we no longer practice what we preach. Teaching our children to say please and thank you. When on line people say things like "WTF". (If you don't know what it means, What the ----?) and I will just pretend it the last word is heck. For the sake of being polite. I find this to be one of the most offensive things a person can type or say.

I used to work where this sort of terminology was used to talk to the employees. By the same man that would have flipped his lid if it would have come out of a kids mouth at the dinner table. See how I used flipped his lid instead of something less polite but yet you all understand what I am saying. I see this on the Internet and television as well. Posts from people who are again parents that use profanity as though it is just any old word. Maybe I am a little prudish? But I was taught not to speak that way in public. I had quite the sailor vocabulary when I worked in the store. I did start off working for a Navy guy but I don't think picked up any bad words from him. But as I moved up the corporate ladder (just a few rungs) I learned people do not speak that way at work in an office situation. Funny how a few years later I would be spoken to in vulgar manner by my boss. But enough about him.

For the rest of us who live in a polite society in public are polite but willing to use abbreviations and vocabulary on Social media sites as though they are in their bedroom with the door closed talking to there best friend.

Have people forgotten how to act? People on the phone have lost this as well. I understand being frustrated and angry and even annoyed. I do not understand being so mad that you are willing to cuss and yell at the person on the other end. Guess what I did not cause your problem and unless rebooting your modem will resolve it or it is a bad code on your account all I can do is schedule a tech. I can not come fix the problem even if I know how. I will schedule a tech that as far as I know is correct for the problem I find. Now just like most things it only takes a few to spoil a perfectly good day. Some days you can talk them down others nothing is going to make it better. Which leads me to believe there may be more than one thing going on wrong in their life and I am only one who will listen to the screaming. I heard another employee on the phone last week say in the politest voice. Ma'am I do not need to be spoken to like that to understand that you are having a problem. You laugh when you aren't the one but you know your turn is coming. Could be just a call away.

So how did we get to this place. Is it TV or the Internet. Is it the fact that you are not speaking to a person face to face that makes some brave and rude all at once. Are the words coming out the ones that are in your head and there is no longer a polite filter that stops the words from crossing your lips. I say yours I probably should not. I know there are some people out there that think like me and would not speak in a rude manner online or on the phone. Never in public.

George Carlin said there are 7 words not said on TV but after reading his list I feel there should be more than just those 7. Those 7 should not even be said by sailors. I am not going to list the words but in this day and age. I think we need to pick up Miss Manners and consult with Emily Post and fine tune our vocabulary. Instead of consulting with likes of Captain Jack Sparrow and Bart Simpson.I would not suggest South Park , Jerry Springer or the likes of a show like Cheaters either. I have never seen Pirates of the Caribbean and will not watch the Simpsons. I accidentally saw South Park once it was a Halloween episode. I had nightmares. Wouldn't watch Jerry Springer, or Cheaters nor Cops. Need I continue

I could list more shows that I will not watch than the ones I will. I feel the same way about things people post online. I will end with, Just think about what you are saying before you say it and if you do not think you should say it in front of your Mother or Grandmother, Don't say it to me either.

Thank you.

Set some rules

Everything in life has rules. I have my own.

1. Never write anything down you don't want everyone to read.
(Anyone can post a comment but I have veto)

2. Don't post anything on the internet you don't want your mother to see.
(No foul language. If my mother doesn't use it I probably don't either)

3. The internet is an unforgiving place.
(You can never take back anything only appologize)

My favorite TV character's rules are those of NCIS Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I think he has about 50 and they are all very important to him and his agents. Keeps things in check and the funnies part is he got them started from his wife.

Gibbs #8 Never take anything forgranted.

#39 No such thing as a coincidence.

#51 Sometimes your wrong.

So now that the rules are done. I want to share a few things about me and my blog.

I am 44 years old. Lived in Clearwater, Florida all my life. I have been married to Brian for 13 years and we lived together for 5 years before.  I have had 3 full time jobs in my life and only owned 4 cars. I am always on time. In my adult life I have had 6 cats and 2 dogs. I enjoy photography, genealogy and puzzles. And you don't ever want to make me mad.

My three jobs:

1. Eckerds
2. xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx (Only exists in my memories)
3. Brighthouse

My four cars:

1. 1978 Ford Mustang II
2. 1987 Ford Mustang
3. 1993 Chevy Cavilier
4. 2005 Chrysler Sebring

Favorite Singers and Songs:

1. Top of the World, Carpenters
2. Day Dream Believer, Monkees
3. Annie's Song, John Denver
4. Through the Years, Kenny Rogers
5. Memories, Barbara Streisand

I will  one day share some of my more obscure favorites. As you can see the ones listed are life long favorites. Through the Years is Brian and my song.

My Animals:

1. Mary (Part Siamese cat)
2. Tiffany (Persian cat)
3. Lillian (Fat Black cat)
4. Blake (Fat Orange cat)
5. Gauge (Tiffany's kitten)
6. Kody (Lab Chow mix dog)
7. Boo ( Very Fat Black cat)
8. Princess (Lab Sharpei mix dog)

Some of what I want to share. My views on the world, life and people and animals. I will probably write more to begin which I am sure most do. I expect to get to where I have a posting a week.

I am going to explain and share some crazy things that have happened to me. Some you will be able to relate to and some you will walk away in shock. I will never use anyone's name that does not want me too. I am not here to talk about others. I am sharing about myself.

I have found in my life that there are so many layers that some only see the work layer, or the family layer. I am never fake. I just can not always show everything at once. Most would be scared off.
For my friends and family I will do anything. All you have to do is ask and they do.

For everyone else. It does not take much more. I am my happiest busy helping others. Some have said Co-dependent. Now you have had a peak inside.

I hope this is an enjoyable experience.

Jeanne Holmquist

August 31, 2012

New Day

So, Today is Monday January 21, 2013. It is Martin Luther King Day a sometimes celebrated only in some neighborhoods holiday. It is also Inauguration Day. How ironic we are swearing in a President on a National Holiday for a man that supported the idea of equality among all of us.

I got up this morning and turned on CSpan and watched the Pomp and Circumstance. I love that stuff. Called my sister and reminded that this only happens once every 4 years and the kids should be aware. I am one who pays attention to what Michelle wore today. Elegant and classy. I would say like Jackie Kennedy but some would be offended. Oh well. She looks lovely and so do her daughters. Growing up in the White House has to be one of those surreal things. Growing up in the only American Castle.

On this day there will be celebrations across the country celebrating the Freedoms that people have gained in their life time. If you consider that a woman or black man could have only dreamed to be President in the 1960's. Some were shocked that a Catholic white man could be elected then.  The future of children today the sky is no longer the limit. There is no limit to what someone with an education and the will to try can accomplish. 

When you look back, and forward at the same time the present is right in front of you. George Washington said that electing and sitting a first president did not make this country great but it was the election of the second president and transferring of power is what will make this country different. We have now done this 50+ times in this countries history over the last 200 years. We can as a people accomplish anything we set our minds to. I do not think the our For Fathers were so incredibly smart beyond our understanding. I think they were very careful with their chosen words. They did not expect their document to last 200 years they were expecting to re write the document. But now it is revered like the Bible. Words written in a time so long ago that they never could have known what time and technology would bring us. But here we are 2000 years after some of the bible stories were first told and 200 years after our country was formed. We still argue over some of the same things. Freedom, Gun Control, Liberty.

Lets see there may not have been guns but 2000 years ago there were wars fought over land, personal freedom and religion. And 200 years ago wars fought over again land, personal freedom and religion. So I can only imagine that another 200 years or 2000 years if men and women still walk this earth there will still be people fighting over the same things. Yet hopefully there will still be Presidents being elected and Popes being selected in the same fashion as it has been happening for generations. There is some stability in this world and one day we will find away to find Peace as well. Maybe not in controlling guns or land holders and there will no longer be slaves in any form not only in our country but in the world.

Tonight when the news shows Michelle and Barack dancing at the inauguration ball. Notice the smile on their faces the love they have. The joy that they can share these moments with their children and the world. This great country allows such a freedom for a black man to not only be elected president but to be re-elected. And even if all the events are not open to the public you can watch them happen on TV. Take pride in the fact that you live here and have the right and obligation to not only live in this country but to participate in the process. Jury Duty, Voting, serving in the Armed Services, teaching our children the ways of the past and show them how bright their future can be if they only have the will to succeed and they get a good education any American kid can grow up to be President of the United States of America.

What if?

With the job I have I wonder every day about this world and how as a whole people are so dependent on technology how would they survive without. So because Day one seems like where you would start I wanted to see what some might do if they did not have all their technology at their fingertips.

People are so reliant on the convenience at times you would think they were being asked to go without breathing for a few days. People always blame the I have bills to pay or work from home. Funny thing, I don't really believe that they all have bills to pay or work from home. They just don't want to admit that their built in babysitter the Internet and online gaming can not be lived without for a few days.

For myself , I would no longer write a blog it would be back to journal on pen and paper which is ok because unlike school children of today. I do know how to write in cursive and have decent enough handwriting that I could review what I had written down. I joked with a customer yesterday about how we used to go to the library to do research for a report and had to find books by subject, author or title in the card catalog. I don't even think they maintain the hard copy anymore so good luck on your report. The card catalog is online.

So we will start with the thought that if the world had to go 3 days without cell phones what craziness would happen or would we as a people go back no problem. I know there are still places in the world that don't have the technology and I am ok with that. I could drop the phone and revert back no problem. I could go without Facebook, I am newcomer to it anyway and could give it up. Games, I only have one on my phone I play when I am bored which should be never. I never turn the ringer on so I don't talk on it really except for my mom on the way home from work at night.

I see people in restaurants and they each have their phone out and every few moments they look down to see if there is any updates. What in the world could happen that is that exciting. I guess if you don't keep an eye on your phone you will not know. I prefer the old fashioned conversation with the person across the table from me. I can sit through a whole meal without getting my phone out of my purse. Is that really amazing?

Had a guy ask me the other day when I was looking for directions to his house not if I had a pen to write down the address but do you have a gps? No. Do you use Google Maps? I guess I could but can't you just give me directions. I was using my cell phone to call him but I could have made the call before I left the house. I found my way no problem. No gps or anything. Wow. For those of you to young to know. Back in the day you would have kept a map in glove compartment and you would have been able to look up the address that way if you got lost or did not know where you were going.

Brian is a different story. He has been all in on this smart phone revolution for a long time. He likes to look things up and do his research on his phone. He knows how to use the GPS so he would have punched in the name and address to find his way somewhere he has never been before and he would be lost if he couldn't call to let you know he made a wrong turn and is running late. He enjoys his facebook and keeping up with others busy lives. Especially his nieces. He uses the alarm, notes to remind himself of his schedule and things he needs to do. Has music in case he will be stuck sitting in a waiting room or has to go to the dentist. Can't listen to them talk about his teeth. Has to concentrate on something more soothing like music.

Those are just the things I can think of that the 2 of us use. So could you do it. Or would you loose your mind. God forbid we think about an extended power outage. Rationing of power as though it were food. A thought maybe for next time.

What have we become?

I have decided after a few hours that some of this is not for anyone but me and have edited myself.


I learned a strange fact when I started working at my new job. Anyone can have cable. Well like water and electricity it has become one of the staples most families have today.  And most would consider it to be their right to do so. Throughout the history of our country we as a people have had the right to bear arms. So anyone in this country that is blah, blah, blah has had the right to protect their families and their domain from attack.

We do not live in a country where there are armed guards outside our schools or grocery stores but I have been to countries that do and is that what we have become. Is that how civil we are. This is the greatest country in the world but each individual that lives here needs to be the greatest person they can and this whole gun loving thing has to end.

I would like to know when we as a country are going to decide that everyone does not have the right to a gun. I usually only take a stand like this with my husband and we have had some very heated discussions over just this subject. But really how many people have to die? Does it have to be someone you know. Well I have already been there. And I can tell you how the next few weeks are going to go for these families. So just in case you don't think this has hit close enough to you. I am going to share some facts that up until today I decided were best kept to myself and my family but really people.

On May 2nd at about 5:30pm Brian's sister Lisa, her daughter Amber , Amber's daughter Lilly and her boyfriend Jim had been killed by the person Lisa was trying to break off her relationship with. Thank God he took his own life as well. That saved a lot more misery. There were candlelight vigils and car washes to pay funeral expenses. There were T-Shirts sold with a cross and the victims names.
Who wants to buy a t-shirt with 20 elementary school children's name? I am not being funny or sarcastic I am serious. I failed to mention our niece who was also home when this horrific act of violence happened and she was in her room hiding. Thank God.  I only know the suffering I have felt and can not imagine what life will be like for the children in Connecticut after this savage attack.

A week later we were all in Arizona as a family. I finally felt useful. Brian and I helped his brother and sister in-laws clean out and up the house. Yes. The house where they were all killed. With a cross in the front yard with names of the victims. Teddy bears in memory of Lilly, balloons and candles lit every night by the neighbors. A little boy praying in the front yard for his little friend. How graphic do I have to be. This is horrible.

The next day we had the viewing. I have written about that day but not yet shared it. I will tell you this. Thank God for family. It is not something to be suffered through alone. Nothing like seeing young people taken before their time. Jim's funeral was back in South Carolina where he was from.Are you getting the picture. This is terrible stuff.

Next day funeral. Undercover police protecting us from any would be wackos that might come crawling out of the woodwork. One lone photographer that did not understand the words the media is not welcome. Or maybe the organization he worked for doesn't understand. So yes there are pictures of grieving family members I guess that makes great news. We will see. I think the best we could collectively do as a people is turn off the damn tv for the next week and let their advertising dollars go straight to hell.

Did I mention I no longer watch the news. If it wasn't for the fact that my Christmas Carols on the radio today in the car was interrupted by the news I would have probably found out from someone else or the Internet. I no longer can hear this news. I can not process what the media does with an event like this. It is so tragic. But in a week they will be on to other stories and not mention it unless something else tragic happens or a year from now there will be another vigil to remember those gone. But it is those that survived that we need to worry about. We need to care for and hold. They need so much more than most can understand. Some are going to grow up with trust issues and never feel safe. Some may not be able to leave there home without their mom or dad and can you blame them. That is the children. The adults are going to have just as hard a time processing this.

The evening of the funeral we had dinner as a family then on a plane to North Carolina to a Celebration of Life service on Saturday. For the friends of Brian's parent it was there place to show their respect. The neighbors and church members had done so much already. Brought food and made decisions that most would think are silly but in the state of shock you are in you can not make simple choices without breaking down.

So we are now a week and a half into my tragedy. My families tragedy. Did I mention the following Monday I start a new job at a new company where no one knows my pain. I sat through a training class on what to do in case of some sort of lock down in the building. It was almost to much. I was shaking sitting there. No one knows what I have experienced and would they understand?  The people from this school in Connecticut and their family some have plans to start new things and to have Christmas for children that are gone. They have presents under the tree. What do you do with those gifts? I wish someone that thinks everyone has the right to gun can tell me what do you do with those gifts. What do you do on their birthday. This was a senseless act of violence because one person felt they had the right to decide today who else in their town had the right to live or die. Or was the shooters pain so great he had no idea what he was doing. Either way he should not have had a gun. Not today and probably never. Not because I say so but because as a people we want our children to go to school where they are safe and teachers don't have to keep a gun in their desk to protect them self and their students from attackers.

No matter who owns the guns. Guns do not kill people. People kill people. Tell me when an assault rifle is used in hunting and why we need them here. Yes again, I have been places where there is not a 70 year old security guard that yells stop or I will yell stop again there is a young man with muscles that has an assault rifle and I am pretty sure he is trained to use it. Grocery store owners that have a holster with a handgun on their hip and would not be afraid to use it. Granted in those countries there is the rich and the poor and no in between. Well isn't that where we this country is going.

Hope not. Hope we are smarter than that. Hope today is the day. We decide that we will not be terrorized by our own. It is not the crazy person that owns the gun that is going to decide to turn it in. It is never the grandma that says maybe I shouldn't drive anymore. It is someone near by that has to explain to them that for the safety of everyone maybe you shouldn't drive anymore. Why can't we do the same with the guns.

PTSD.... Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it is not just for soldiers anymore. Or people who live in war torn countries where the building they live in are not safe and neither is the bus they ride to get to work. Am I sounding paranoid??? I am not. I understand this event as well as any Shrink on TV. This is going to cause suffering way beyond the loss of life suffered today.

I am going to end with a prayer for all those who were there today are related to someone there or anyone else who has suffered their own personal tragedy. God please help them get through this time and let them all know they are loved. Please seek whatever help you need. A friend a family member or call me. I can recommend a great counselor.

Trust your Gut and Never Go Back

I am a friend for life type so I am all in. It takes me a long time to give up on people that I have given everything for. If your a person that has left me or I have left you. It took a long time and you probably treated me miserably for a long time before I had decided I had had enough.

Not sure why I guess people of the other types enjoy taking a person like me and trying to see how long will she put up with me. Damn, some would say. Had no idea it would take her that long.

My first long term boyfriend. Seven years! Seven years of him acting like a baby. A regular momma's boy and never in our time together getting his act together in a way I felt we could move out and get a place of our own. And why should he leave his mother's house. Cooking service, laundry service, maid service. Hell, I guess I wouldn't have left either. Well at least I know I was not enough for him to get his act together for. Not sure if anyone ever was.

Most people that I part ways with. Fall under a very simple rule.

Never go back.

It will not get better. They will not change. They did mean what they said, and as you have already learned about me I will never forget.

It was Christmas 1990 when this rule #1 went into effect.
Remember no names. Funny it doesn't matter only 3 people reading this might even remember his name.

First, I stood up for myself a couple times and realized I was ok alone. Went to a dear friend's wedding by myself because the loser changed his mind at the last minute. Oh well, I am going anyway! Not hard words to say but it really took me to push myself to go out the door.

Another time I was going to stop by a co-workers house on the way home. He did not want me to. I said, Ok. And did it anyway. Even went so far as to call from the friends to say I was home. Now the end is near. I do not like to lie and should not have to.

A few more weeks later. He pulls the if you don't do what I want I am going to kill myself act and locks himself in the bathroom. Did I mention he was 25 at this point. Well that was the day. I begged, pleaded. Still in the bathroom. Not knowing what else to do I decided the Jeanne that has a back bone better show up. I knocked on the bathroom door and said, either you come out or I am leaving. He said, he would kill himself as I walked away I said then your mom will be the one to find your body.

Went to what at the time I thought was my best friends house only to find out that he and she well...
Yeah, After 7 years with this guy and being friends with her since middle school. Rule #1 was invoked for 2 people that I had been close to for a very long time. I think I have seen him once since then and her I never saw again.

Don't think about either of them often.

Another guy I dated for a while none of you have ever met.

I met at Radio Shack. I helped him with a return of a phone and he came back and asked me over to his place. An older guy. Much older. He didn't want any of the same things I did but for a short time he was a person I could be with that treated me well. Tried to help me be a better person. But not interested in forever or children. Kinda sad at the time. Then he told me he met a woman closer in age. It might have been a lie to let me go. Funny thing is years later, he would call and check in and see if I was happy. I think he was sad to hear that I was getting married. He has even called since I have been married but it has probably been at least 10 years since the last call, but I have never seen him again. There is really no need.

Last but best example of Rule #1 some of you may remember. He also helped create another rule

Trust your gut

When you get in an elevator and get a creepy feeling about the person already there you get in anyway. No other animal in nature would lock themselves in a steel box with another creature that scares them besides a human. 

 I have only been wrong a few times and only twice I have changed my mind and trusted a person that originally made me believe they were not trust worthy.

One was liar and a thief. I had him pegged wrong to begin with. I thought he was a decent kid that I worked with. But as time went by I questioned it. Well when he got promoted and moved to another store and stole 3 days worth deposits. I could not believe it. I was so mad for letting my guard down and trusting him.

Another person I worked with he was an older manger, been around forever. I worked at his store when his assistant manager was on vacation. Could never figure out why the lottery never came out right at his store. Always be 100's of dollars off. I would call and blame myself. Must have made a mistake. I even went by once to see what I did wrong and he said not to worry he took care of it. Never questioned it. Neither did one of his assistant managers. She knew they were going to have an LP visit and she checked the books and signed off on something he had done. Trusting he had done it. Well... He didn't and guess who almost got blamed for the missing deposit. No it wasn't me but man. Never sign off on something you did not do. EVER.

I am saving the third for his own post.

So to wrap up this crazy day.

We have learned:

Never Go Back & Trust your Gut.

You are worth it. Don't bother with those that are no good for you. No matter how much you try it will always get you. And why waist time with people not willing to give you everything you are worth.

Abuse

No mincing words here.

The poem below was written at 2 AM, 36 hours after I found out that my sister-in-law Lisa, her daughter Amber, Amber's daughter Lilly and her boyfriend Jim were murdered.

I did not at the time I wrote this the whole truth, and as the song says,  "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then." Toby Keith

That song could some up May 2nd 2012 for me and my family.

So I do not at this time have a lot to say about that day or the weeks that followed. But I do want to share the poem I wrote. I now understand what a song writer means when they say I sat down and it just poured out. For the Love of Lilly was swirling around in my head as I went to bed. I could not sleep. Got up turned on the computer and about an hour later I read it and couldn't believe I wrote it.

I have always been a writer, more a journaler. Nothing to share. Just wrote for myself. I assume someday someone will find things I have written and saved and never shared. Love and Loss. Those are my best subjects.

One more personal note to share before my poem. I have always had a great memory. Not that I was a genius in school. I remember songs, lyrics, quotes. Not important ones but ones that stick with me are forever with me. The curse of a great memory. You can never forget.

In the coming weeks and months I hope to share some of my unforgettable memories.

Now... For the Love of Lilly

For the Love of Lilly

For the love of Lilly please stop domestic violence.                                                  

For the love of Lilly let no child live under threat of abuse.

For the love of Lilly let no child have marks left from punishment.

For the love of Lilly let no child suffer unseen scars from mental abuse.

For the love of Lilly stop needless violence.  

For the love of Amber please stop domestic violence.

For the love of Amber let no teen live with threats if they tell on their parents abuse.

For the love of Amber let no teen have bruises from a date.

For the love of Amber let no young woman be afraid to leave a boy friend for they might be hurt.

For the love of Amber stop the needless violence.

For the love of Lisa please stop domestic violence.

For the love of Lisa let no woman live in fear for every choice she makes is going to be wrong.

For the love of Lisa let no woman think drinking is an excuse for violent behavior.

For the love of Lisa let no woman choose between her life free or in fear.

For the love of Lisa stop the needless violence.

For the love of Brittany please stop domestic violence.

For the love of Brittany get out of the abusive relationship.

For the love of Brittany ask for help.

For the love of Brittany live.

For the love of Brittany stop the needless violence.

For the love of Rolf and Diane let no parent receive the call that they did.

For the love of Rolf and Diane let no parent  not ask questions that are hard to ask or hear the answers that are impossible to hear.

For the love of Buddy and Brian find out if your sister needs help whether you are related or not.

For the love of Lori and Jeanne be a friend for your sister when she needs you.

For the love of Brandon, Heather and Megan know that you are worth it.

You should be treated well by your friend, spouse, and parents.

For the love of GOD please don’t let this happen to someone you love.

If you need help please call someone.

Safe Horizon 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)