Friday, December 14, 2012

What have we become?

I have decided after a few hours that some of this is not for anyone but me and have edited myself.

I learned a strange fact when I started working at my new job. Anyone can have cable. Well like water and electricity it has become one of the staples most families have today.  And most would consider it to be their right to do so. Throughout the history of our country we as a people have had the right to bear arms. So anyone in this country that is blah, blah, blah has had the right to protect their families and their domain from attack.

We do not live in a country where there are armed guards outside our schools or grocery stores but I have been to countries that do and is that what we have become. Is that how civil we are. This is the greatest country in the world but each individual that lives here needs to be the greatest person they can and this whole gun loving thing has to end.

I would like to know when we as a country are going to decide that everyone does not have the right to a gun. I usually only take a stand like this with my husband and we have had some very heated discussions over just this subject. But really how many people have to die? Does it have to be someone you know. Well I have already been there. And I can tell you how the next few weeks are going to go for these families. So just in case you don't think this has hit close enough to you. I am going to share some facts that up until today I decided were best kept to myself and my family but really people.

On May 2nd at about 5:30pm Brian's sister Lisa, her daughter Amber , Amber's daughter Lilly and her boyfriend Jim had been killed by the person Lisa was trying to break off her relationship with. Thank God he took his own life as well. That saved a lot more misery. There were candlelight vigils and car washes to pay funeral expenses. There were T-Shirts sold with a cross and the victims names.
Who wants to buy a t-shirt with 20 elementary school children's name? I am not being funny or sarcastic I am serious. I failed to mention our niece who was also home when this horrific act of violence happened and she was in her room hiding. Thank God.  I only know the suffering I have felt and can not imagine what life will be like for the children in Connecticut after this savage attack.

A week later we were all in Arizona as a family. I finally felt useful. Brian and I helped his brother and sister in-laws clean out and up the house. Yes. The house where they were all killed. With a cross in the front yard with names of the victims. Teddy bears in memory of Lilly, balloons and candles lit every night by the neighbors. A little boy praying in the front yard for his little friend. How graphic do I have to be. This is horrible.

The next day we had the viewing. I have written about that day but not yet shared it. I will tell you this. Thank God for family. It is not something to be suffered through alone. Nothing like seeing young people taken before their time. Jim's funeral was back in South Carolina where he was from.Are you getting the picture. This is terrible stuff.

Next day funeral. Undercover police protecting us from any would be wackos that might come crawling out of the woodwork. One lone photographer that did not understand the words the media is not welcome. Or maybe the organization he worked for doesn't understand. So yes there are pictures of grieving family members I guess that makes great news. We will see. I think the best we could collectively do as a people is turn off the damn tv for the next week and let their advertising dollars go straight to hell.

Did I mention I no longer watch the news. If it wasn't for the fact that my Christmas Carols on the radio today in the car was interrupted by the news I would have probably found out from someone else or the Internet. I no longer can hear this news. I can not process what the media does with an event like this. It is so tragic. But in a week they will be on to other stories and not mention it unless something else tragic happens or a year from now there will be another vigil to remember those gone. But it is those that survived that we need to worry about. We need to care for and hold. They need so much more than most can understand. Some are going to grow up with trust issues and never feel safe. Some may not be able to leave there home without their mom or dad and can you blame them. That is the children. The adults are going to have just as hard a time processing this.

The evening of the funeral we had dinner as a family then on a plane to North Carolina to a Celebration of Life service on Saturday. For the friends of Brian's parent it was there place to show their respect. The neighbors and church members had done so much already. Brought food and made decisions that most would think are silly but in the state of shock you are in you can not make simple choices without breaking down.

So we are now a week and a half into my tragedy. My families tragedy. Did I mention the following Monday I start a new job at a new company where no one knows my pain. I sat through a training class on what to do in case of some sort of lock down in the building. It was almost to much. I was shaking sitting there. No one knows what I have experienced and would they understand?  The people from this school in Connecticut and their family some have plans to start new things and to have Christmas for children that are gone. They have presents under the tree. What do you do with those gifts? I wish someone that thinks everyone has the right to gun can tell me what do you do with those gifts. What do you do on their birthday. This was a senseless act of violence because one person felt they had the right to decide today who else in their town had the right to live or die. Or was the shooters pain so great he had no idea what he was doing. Either way he should not have had a gun. Not today and probably never. Not because I say so but because as a people we want our children to go to school where they are safe and teachers don't have to keep a gun in their desk to protect them self and their students from attackers.

No matter who owns the guns. Guns do not kill people. People kill people. Tell me when an assault rifle is used in hunting and why we need them here. Yes again, I have been places where there is not a 70 year old security guard that yells stop or I will yell stop again there is a young man with muscles that has an assault rifle and I am pretty sure he is trained to use it. Grocery store owners that have a holster with a handgun on their hip and would not be afraid to use it. Granted in those countries there is the rich and the poor and no in between. Well isn't that where we this country is going.

Hope not. Hope we are smarter than that. Hope today is the day. We decide that we will not be terrorized by our own. It is not the crazy person that owns the gun that is going to decide to turn it in. It is never the grandma that says maybe I shouldn't drive anymore. It is someone near by that has to explain to them that for the safety of everyone maybe you shouldn't drive anymore. Why can't we do the same with the guns.

PTSD.... Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it is not just for soldiers anymore. Or people who live in war torn countries where the building they live in are not safe and neither is the bus they ride to get to work. Am I sounding paranoid??? I am not. I understand this event as well as any Shrink on TV. This is going to cause suffering way beyond the loss of life suffered today.

I am going to end with a prayer for all those who were there today are related to someone there or anyone else who has suffered their own personal tragedy. God please help them get through this time and let them all know they are loved. Please seek whatever help you need. A friend a family member or call me. I can recommend a great counselor.

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